Why does my child throw tantrums

Anger and frustration are common triggers. When kids have tantrums and meltdowns beyond the preschool years, they may be symptoms of underlying problems. Extreme anxiety can cause tantrums. Kids with ADHD are prone to outbursts, too, as they have poor impulse control and find it hard to tolerate boredom.

Undiagnosed learning disorders can cause kids to explode in frustration. Kids with autism often respond to unexpected changes by melting down. And sensory overload can trigger meltdowns in kids with sensory processing issues. Whatever the cause, kids who throw a lot of tantrums lack skills to manage their emotions. They often struggle with problem-solving, communicating their needs , and calming themselves down. It will come as no surprise to parents that the most common problem that brings young children to the attention of a psychologist or psychiatrist is emotional outbursts—tantrums and meltdowns.

Indeed, tantrums and meltdowns are among the biggest challenges of parenting. Many people make a distinction between tantrums and meltdowns, though neither is a clinical term. One benchmark many parents use is that a tantrum is likely to subside if no one is paying attention to it.

Anger , of course, is the No. The child feels she deserves or needs something that is being deliberately withheld from her—the cookie, the video game, something she covets at the toy store—and is overwhelmed by her frustration and sense of injustice.

But anxiety is another big trigger; it causes kids to freak out, overriding the logic that would enable her to see that her anxiety is out of proportion to the situation. On their face, the reasons toddlers throw tantrums can be patently absurd.

Some examples of invalidating reactions, aside from blatantly laughing at your child, include:. This is a great general rule to apply to toddlers, preschoolers, and the rest of humankind and is particularly relevant for tantrums. I see this a lot around play, particularly when children are attempting to master a skill, such as constructing a building out of blocks or drawing a more perfect circle.

In contrast, however, they frequently calm down when parents simply help label their feeling or describe the circumstance at hand. If, on the other hand, they are told often enough not to feel what they feel, toddlers and preschoolers may come to believe that they have the ability to switch their emotions on and off on a dime or — more accurately — that they should be able to do so.

And not only should they have this magical power, but they should exercise it not when they want to, but when their parents want them to. To everybody. Often parents lie — or, ahem, tell half-truths — to avoid simply saying no and having their child experience and express, likely in tantrum form disappointment or frustration. Are there times when a little fib is OK? It does do you a favor in the short run, as the following 10 minutes will undoubtedly be easier than they might otherwise be.

And occasionally you may — for whatever reason — need to prioritize those 10 minutes. But in the long run, getting in the habit of relying on these untruths sets a pretty lousy precedent. If you want your child to be honest with you, you need to be honest with her. Children need to see parents taking responsibility for setting limits in an open and clear way, which means you need to practice.

Will it be important for him to learn that his behavior affects other people? The causes are usually different, too. For example, meltdowns often happen when kids are overstimulated and feeling overwhelmed. Tantrums happen when kids want something or are frustrated. Learn more about the difference between tantrums and meltdowns.

To prevent tantrums, be clear and consistent about expectations. So be sure to warn them if a routine is going to change.

As you take notes on what triggers tantrums, you may start to see patterns. Use that information to prevent tantrums. If having to stop playing to do work sets off a tantrum, try giving a minute warning and then a five-minute warning ahead of time.

If schoolwork seems to be causing tantrums, parent-teacher communication is key. It can mean that they feel safe to express themselves at home and trust the people there to help them calm down — no matter what. More on: Frustration. Tantrums and meltdowns are not the same thing. More on: Managing emotions. He picks himself up when he falls, and he tries again.

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