What makes a borderline happy

They may say hurtful things or act out in dangerous or inappropriate ways. This emotional volatility can cause turmoil in their relationships and stress for family members, partners, and friends. Learning a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder can come as a source of both relief and hope. You may find yourself putting most of your energy into the person with BPD at the expense of your own emotional needs.

But this is a recipe for resentment, depression, burnout , and even physical illness. Avoid the temptation to isolate. Make it a priority to stay in touch with family and friends who make you feel good. You need the support of people who will listen to you, make you feel cared for, and offer reality checks when needed. Give yourself permission to have a life outside of your relationship with the person with BPD. Join a support group for BPD family members.

Try to avoid this pitfall. Learn to manage stress. Many friends or family members often feel guilty and blame themselves for the destructive behavior of the borderline person. You may question what you did to make the person so angry, think you somehow deserve the abuse, or feel responsible for any failure or relapse in treatment. The person with BPD is responsible for their own actions and behaviors.

Communication is a key part of any relationship but communicating with a borderline person can be especially challenging. People in a close relationship with a borderline adult often liken talking with their loved one to arguing with a small child. People with BPD have trouble reading body language or understanding the nonverbal content of a conversation.

They may say things that are cruel, unfair, or irrational. Their fear of abandonment can cause them to overreact to any perceived slight, no matter how small, and their aggression can result in impulsive fits of rage, verbal abuse, or even violence. The problem for people with BPD is that the disorder distorts both the messages they hear and those they try to express.

Listening to your loved one and acknowledging their feelings is one of the best ways to help someone with BPD calm down. When you appreciate how a borderline person hears you and adjust how you communicate with them, you can help diffuse the attacks and rages and build a stronger, closer relationship. If your loved one is raging, verbally abusive, or making physical threats, now is not the time to talk.

Listen actively and be sympathetic. Avoid distractions such as the TV, computer, or cell phone. Try not to interrupt or redirect the conversation to your concerns. Focus on the emotions, not the words. The feelings of the person with BPD communicate much more than what the words he or she is using.

Listen to the emotion your loved one is trying to communicate without getting bogged down in attempting to reconcile the words being used. Try to make the person with BPD feel heard. If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at for support and assistance from a trained counselor.

If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. These mood swings may also happen frequently. Someone with BPD can have many mood swings in the course of a day, whereas most people will only experience one or two major emotional shifts in the course of a week.

In addition, while most people have times in their lives when they are more emotionally vulnerable than other times, people with BPD experience emotional ups and downs consistently for years. This can result in unstable interpersonal relationships with loved ones, friends, and colleagues.

Mood swings in BPD can also be distinguished from other types of mood problems by examining the triggers that precede the mood shift. Very often, a mood swing in BPD happens in reaction to an external trigger, and these triggers are often related to perceived rejection or abandonment by another person. Though researchers are still trying to understand the borderline personality brain, they know that its fight-or-flight response is easily triggered, causing the rational part of the brain to turn off and the survival instinct to turn on.

This makes the person act in ways that are inappropriate or out-of-proportion to the situation. Keep in mind that even if you have mood swings that fit the description above, this is just one of a number of symptoms of BPD. Having mood swings alone is not enough to warrant a diagnosis of BPD. However, if you are finding that your emotional ups and downs are interfering with your work, school, relationships, or enjoyment of life, it makes sense to seek out professional help.

The results: Nearly seven out of every eight patients achieved symptom remission lasting at least four years, and half no longer met the criteria for borderline personality disorder. Despite the obstacles and challenges, recovering from BPD is very possible, even likely, based on the stats I mentioned earlier. The patient has to realize, though, that even with medication, recovery is a tough process that requires hard work and change.

However, they can be developed, especially with the proper help, and as you achieve small and large successes, failures become less common.

Gunderson and Perry D. BPD is difficult not just for the patient but also for family and friends. The NEABPD also has more than audio and video recordings of past conferences, as well as recordings of a weekly call-in series in which researchers and clinicians do presentations for people who call in.

You can also visit their YouTube channel. FC Leaders Board. Most accurate article on BPD we have read—kudos! Strengths and qualities of BPD Personality disorders is considered an impairment of the way one thinks. Resilience — Many people with BPD have battled struggles with drug and alcohol addictions, self-harm, suicidal behaviour, and eating disorders. Many are survivors of trauma and therefore the ability to manage the emotional dysregulations on a daily basis is nothing short of being warriors.

Empathy and compassion — People with BPD experience greater internal and external turmoil. However, this in turn allows for the ability to recognise and have greater insight for others in similar situations. Sharing stories of lived experience about emotional pain encourages others to open up and gives a sense of belonging and freedom from stigma.